Slang Ahoy!

There's a growing emphasis for many young people about the need to be 'street' (look it up; can't be bothered to explain it right now). However, I can't quite escape the fact that this is inappropriate for that sorely neglected group, the middle classes. They don't want to be seen playing loud hippety-hop in ripped (the tears make them worth more. Duh) clothes. No. It is time for the ground-breaking entrance of a new sub-culture. It is now the era of people proudly wearing fair-trade beanies and pronouncing themselves as 'Avenue'.

• A common initiation for those wishing to be avenue is the peddling of chilli peppers on the streets. For many, it's Scotch or nothing; none of that weak, cut rubbish.
• Many wouldn't dream of being caught outside without the latest clothes from the sales racks at Next and Boden. A serious negation of Avenue Credibility ('Av Cred') could be at stake.
• A popular past time is walking down the streets, bouncing a tennis ball with a racket on the ground, with Coldplay blasting (quietly) from a small speaker.

And now I've run out of steam.